Review that bloody movie!

[John Roberts]

Alrighty, fellas. Put a review here for a movie you've just seen. Doesn't matter if you love it, hate it or wished you could kick the bloody director in the fuckin' nuts for creatin' such bullshit!.


Finding Nemo

Where should I start. This movie, just like all films that Pixar have created are just plain bloody loveable. Finding Nemo is no exception.
From it's beautiful lush computer animation to it's adorable and charmin’ characters that seem so alive that it’s almost scary.
Marlin (Albert Brooks,) is a sad and wary clown fish after having lost his wife and a heap of bloody unhatched babies to a vicious barracuda at the edge of Australia's Great Barrier Reef. The one child saved, Nemo (Alexander Gould,) has an unformed fin, so dad is doubly overprotective of the lad. On the first day of school, Nemo's embarrassed and challenged by his father's hand-wringing in front of his classmates and rashly swims out to a boat in deep water where he's promptly scooped up in a diver's net. Distraught, Marlin sets out after the boat, picking up an unlikely companion, Dory (Ellen DeGeneres,a blue tang with short term memory loss, on his way to "Finding Nemo."

As usual with Pixar, vocal talents have been shit-hotedly (heh, I just made up a new bloody word) cast. Brooks appears as a worrywort dad for the second time in as many weeks, but he's much better matched here with that beautiful lesbian, DeGeneres.. The concept of a fish with short-term memory loss sounded dubiously annoying and at first made me think twice about this character, but DeGeneres just swims off with it. Her infectious good nature and naive screw ups are made totally endearing. Then, there's that bloody whale singing...fuckin’ hell...bloody hilarious. But what really won Dory for me was the beautiful moment she shared with Marlin near the end, it was bloody sad and pleasing at the same time, it was a very touchin’ moment for me. I will proudly say that Dory was without a doubt me bloody favourite.

Other blokes and fishies of the deep include Barry Humphries (a.k.a. Dame Edna, y’know, the bloke who wears the dressers. No not Jim Doe,) as Bruce and more of me fellow Aussie mates Eric Bana and Bruce Spense as his hammerhead and mako self-help buddies, Stanton as surfer-dude-speak sea turtle Crush and John Ratzenberger as an entire shape-shifting school.

In the fish tank, it is ruled by Willem Dafoe's Gill, a maimed moorish idol who yearns to return to the sea and his more satisfied pet store inhabitants Brad Garrett as puffer fish Bloat, Austin Pendleton as Gurgle, a worried royal gramma, Vicki Lewis as damselfish Deb and Allison Janney as Peach, the tank's lookout starfish. The funniest out of these pack of cunts in the tank is provided by Stephen Root as a yellow tang that obsesses over tank bubbles and Joe Ranft as Jacques the fastidious cleaner shrimp. Geoffrey Rush is a helpful pelican who connects the two different worlds. And last but of course not the bloody least, nine year old Alexander Gould had just the right amount of pluck for the voice of Nemo.
Every voice actor seemed to fit with their character like a fish in water(yeah I know, a pun, aint I just a clever cunt).

And yes, if you’re wonderin’, I DID rewatch the bloody credits over and bloody over again to see who voiced who.

I cannot overstate how bloody wonderful a motion picture this is. It is thematically rich. It is consistently funny. It is unfalteringly genuine. It made me feel incredibly bittersweet, revelling in awe at the experience I just had, but reluctant to leave the amazing world I had inhabited for almost two hours.

I know bein’ a proper critic you’re not suppose to get sucked too much into a movie and praise it to the moon but instead I should also take the time to mention the faults and low points it had. Well you know what? I aint no fuckin’ proper critic and there is no bloody way I’m gonna knock a film that made me smile like ‘Finding Nemo’ did.

I bloody loved it!

[chief]

Nemo is a handicap lol. My girlfriend loves that movie.. I have acctually never seen it.

[Jim Doe]

Yah, Kat and I went and watched Nemo in the theaters a while back . . . damn fine cinema, that.

(a.k.a. Dame Edna, y?know, the bloke who wears the dressers. No not Jim Doe,)

[Kat]

The Lion King Special Edition

Well, I really liked the recoloring. Lots better than what they did on Beauty and the Beast special edition.

I'm still not sure about the new song, though. I'll have to watch it again before I make a decision.

And I do wish there were more deleted scenes and stuff...maybe some interviews from the cast (actually I haven't watched the second disc yet, so there might be interviews, I dunno)

[Dominic Hyde]

I'll probably end up taking Maya and her sister to see Finding Nemo, today I found out though that just wants us to be really close friends and not a couple so it could technically be uncomfortable since I sort of wanted us to be something more, however I think we've known each other long enough not to let it ruin our friendship.

The problem is that while she really wants to see Finding Nemo I'd rather we go and see Spirited Away, I suggested we do both but I'm not entirely sure wheatear I'll have time since I'm always so busy.

By the way John, this review was not by any chance a practice run for the review of HalloweeN 6 your going to do me? I'm not going to say it's a bad review because it's not but I hope that perhaps you could make your review of HalloweeN 6, when you get around to it, longer and go into more detail. It's a good thing you didn't go into too much detail with Finding Nemo since both chief and me have not seen it and spoilers always seem to, well, spoil it for me. However since I have seen the producers cut of HalloweeN 6 so you can be as detailed as you like. lt will probably be best to send it via email so that the people here who have not yet been converted to the HalloweeN cause will not have the proper version of 6 ruined for them.

Kat said:

(actually I haven't watched the second disc yet, so there might be interviews, I dunno)

More than likely, I must say that Jeremy Irons is my favourite male actor, shame about Dungeons and Dragons, because apart from that film, everything I've seem him be in he has not only completely made the character his own but he has also stunned me with his ability to handle the deepest and most intense of emotions so well.

[Kat]

I don't know if I've ever seen him as anything wlse but scar...have I roland? Oh shit...excuse my typing, I'm a little drink right now...uh, drunk. I don't know really why I am not just going back and typing this over, but oh well. I'm off to go post the itmw. See you guys later. Uh, time, not itmw...Oh shit. expect this post to be deleted tommotrrrw.

[frwl]

Matrix Reloaded.
Pwnage.
'nuff said.
Just got the DVD.
Yes I am special and j00 are teh not.

[Dominic Hyde]

I really liked Matrix Reloaded and it annoys me that so many people slate it. Sure most of the stuff at the beginning is pretty shit and the film does not really get going till around 45 minutes in but so what? Once it does get going it proved to be a really rewarding experience and I'm not just talking about the great action scene on the freeway or the artistic fight Neo has on the stairs. I also loved the philosophical rants at the restaurant, even though lots of brain-dead Americans moaned that it was long and boring...screw them.

For me though my favourite part of the movie was the scene towards the end with Neo and the architect, I found that scene fresh, exciting and most importantly intelligent. I mean come on did anyone see that twist coming?! I pride myself on my ability to see apparent plot twists from miles away, like I did with the end of HalloweeN 4, but this twist, well it caught me off guard that's for sure! Not only did it lend the film some much needed integrity but it achieved something very importent.

It was able to almost mock the earlier parts of the film, you saw that Morpheus, in spite of his strong moral character was no more the freedom fighter than the agents themselves, that true revolution requires thinking beyond the course set out before you by the forces your fighting against.

Such a idea is very powerful and relaters to real life, take the society we live in, are any of us really free? Sure we have freedom of speech but only up to a point and we certainly don't have any control over our own lives, the greater things are decided for us by corrupt Governments and even corrupter multinationals and the decisions they make are almost never in our interest. The freedom we have in western society is merely a concession made by those in control to buy us off into thinking we have freedom thus preventing a genuine revolution in our own interests.

In they same way the machines invented the idea of Zion so there could be a false revolution that would not chance a damn thing, so do we have the same thing in the form of democracy. Vote Republican, vote Democrat, or in England vote Labour, Tory, or Liberal Democrat does it really make a damn bit of difference? Their polices while being a little different on a few minor issues are fundamentally the same. They all favour a capitalist society, one in which 2% of the population own 90% of the worlds wealth while half the worlds population lives on less than a dollar a day, they all let companies do what the hell they want, destroying the environment and exploiting their workforce to create millions, or billions of dollars for the company directors and shareholders.

True revolution cannot be fought on the terms laid down by the oppressors you must go beyond it. Neo has realised this and I wonder how long it will be before the majority of people in the so called real world start to realise this too, stop spouting bullshit and start fighting for a better future for everyone.

[John Roberts]

*Aplaudes Dominic*

Well said mate, well bloody said.

I only wish I had the brains to reply with a much more intiligent post for you Dom, but instead I'll just say:
There is a lot of truth in your words Dominic and I completly agree with it.

[Dominic Hyde]

Thanks John, that means a lot to me. ;D I'm not trying to preach my ideals, I only brought them up because in this instance I thought they were very related and it was on these lines that I viewed The Matrix Reloaded but none the less it pleases me to find someone in agreement. Had I posed this at FUS I'm sure Night would have immediately posted some right wing dogma, stressing the futility to fight or even question the powers that be and just except our place as slaves.

So John, or anyone else for that matter, what are your expectations for 'The Matrix Revolutions?' Personally I'm staying neutral until I find out at least something about the film other than the stuff revealed in the trailer.

Although I have to admit that bit with all the Agents standing side by side in the rain with Neo and who you assume to be the original Agent Smith facing off against each other...nice!

[Kat]

The Ring

Finally saw that at work today. For a "scary" movie that was pretty good. Usually I think that all the horror flicks that everyone else is obsessed with just suck. Too corny. But this was neat, except for one part with a horse that I just thought was sad...Yeah, I could go all technical and crap, and get into details about specific things I did and didn't like, but I already did that this morning, so I don't feel like it now...

[chief]

The Core

I just saw it about an houir ago and... It was really good to my standards. Not a hole lot to say about it. But I must say see it for yourself.

I give it 4 stars out of 5

[Kaotix]

I watched Blade Friday night.

Two words. It stunk. The idea was kinda neat but the plot and story lacked. The special effects were laughable. The only part that was vaguely interesting was when Wesley Snipes and the evil vampire leader duked it out at the very end. Other than that. Bleh.

I give 2 out of 5 stars.

[Dominic Hyde]

Nice one Kaotix! ;D

I saw 'Blade' around 4-years ago and I thought it stunk too, sadly I can't be bothered to explain why but in short it is what you said only I'd add a lot more. If you want to see a decent Vampire movie I recommend the only vampire movie I've ever liked, the classic 'Interview With the Vampire.' Now that is a good vampire movie as well as a good movie period, great plot, well-defined characters, faultless acting, need I go on? I brought the book and plan on reading it some day but I'm just too busy.

While 'Interview With the Vampire' is the only vampire film I like, there is one filmed vampire story that I think beats it and that is 'Ultraviolet' the 6-part British serial that decided to have a real go at doing vampires in modem day setting and does a better job than 'Blade' or 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' ever did.

Oh and Kat about 'The Ring' did you know that the film you saw was just the American remake of the Japanese film 'Ring?' The Japanese version was only made in 1998 and is a superior film in every conceivable way. The depth, character development and plot was annihilated in the American remake to make was for more special effects and shit. Four of my friends have seen both versions and all of them agree that the Japanese version beats the American remake hands down, in fact one of them, my mate Tim who had sadly seen the American remake first told me that after seeing the original I had lent him he was quite disgusted with himself that he had even liked the pile of garbage that was the American remake. I strongly believe that all the problems you had with the film was stuff specific to the American version, for example that part with the horse you mentioned is not present in the Japanese version.

Sadly I don't think the Japanese version is available to buy in the US, although if you have a muti-region you could always import I from the UK I guess. On other point of interest is that the Japanese version was followed by 'Ring 2' that I and three of my friends believe to be better, the fourth has not seen it yet rather than dislike it. The trilogy was then concluded by 'Ring 0' that while not being as good as 'Ring' or 'Ring 2' was still a great film in it's own right and it is well worth watching because it properly finishes off the saga.

I give 'Blade' 2 out 5.

I give 'Interview With the Vampire' 5 out of 5.

I give 'Ultraviolet' 6 out of 5.

I give 'The Ring' (Yankee version) 2.5 out of 5.

I give 'Ring' 4 out of 5 .

I give 'Ring 2' 5 out of 5.

I give 'Ring 0' 3.5 out of 5.

[Dominic Hyde]

(Sorry to double post but I wanted to let people know that I have reviewed a new movie.)

Well having said in that name topic that I would write a review for 'Matrix Revolutions' I thought I'd best do one, don't worry for those who have not seen it though, I promise I won't give away any major spoilers.

'Matrix Revolutions' was simply put one of the greatest films I have ever seen! Every aspect of the film was spot on, from the clever and cryptic script, the well-rounded characters, stunning fights and mind-blowing plot put the previous two films to shame. In short if you only have time to see one film this year, make it this one! ;D

That ladies and gentleman is the review I would have 'liked' to write, however if I did so I would have been missing out one key factor, namely the film itself!

However much it pains me to admit it 'Matrix Revolutions' is a pile of arse, in fact watching it is akin to watching Robotnik modal bikinis, yes it really is that horrible!

It's a shame really, while 'Reloaded' was slated by fans and critics alike I stood by it and defended it because as I've stated, among the poorly thought out ideas and ill balanced pace there lies a really rewarding sequel however this is not so with 'Revolutions.' In 'Revolutions' case it is the material itself that is the problem rather than it merely being an issue of presentation and I can't seen any way of saving the film, short of a complete rewrite.

I'm not going to say the film it a complete disaster from start to finish, on the country a couple of scenes do stand out but in both cases it is only fancy special effects that do this rather than any genuine quality.

So the film then, well for starters it has an absolutely terrible start, while I said before that the first 40-minutes of the 'Reloaded' we're pretty rubbish, compared to this films beginning it looks like Oscar material. If you can stay awake through this irritating and rather pointless beginning sequence involving a junction between the Matrix and the machine world represented by a train station then be prepared for things to get a tiny bit better.

After a little more crap not even worth mentioning we get to what most people probably would rate as the highlight of the film, Zion's stand against the machines. While the characters are all underdeveloped and unlikable when it comes to special effects you cannot fault it. As a slice of brainless entertainment you will be in your element, and I think making comparisons to the battle of Hoth in the 'Star Wars the Empire Strikes Back' or the beach landing scene in 'Saving Privet Ryan' is appropriate as they share the same cinematic ore.

Obviously I can't really say how things turn out, although for me the whole film was really predictable and had none of the twist and turns we have come to associate with the Matrix franchise.

Lastly the final fight between Neo and Agent Smith, no doubt anyone who intends to see this film would have seen the trailer at the end of 'Reloaded' in which Neo and Smith face off in the rain. I admit the fight is 'really' impressive from start to finish and if I did buy the film on DVD (I'm not going to) then I would probably enjoy watching this scene as a stand alone film. What angered me though is that towards the end of the fight Smith and Neo almost seem to connect with each other emotionally and Smith does some out with some pretty classy dialog when he tries to justify to Neo (and I believe himself) why he is doing what he is doing. Why does this annoy me? It's because in this one moment in this one scene we see more depth than in the rest of the film combines and you see, like looking through a crack in a fence of a nudist colony, a tiny glimpse of what the film 'could' and more importantly 'should' of been and you feel really pissed of with what they gave you instead.

In summery while this film, in my eyes, does everything wrong, in a strange way to many fans this film does, on paper at least, everything right. 'Reloaded' was slated by many fans because the plot was apparently too complicated and the moments of depth and philosophy we're boring. Since 'Revolutions' decides to not only abandon depth and philosophy but a plot altogether and the action scenes are even more impressive they have gotten their wish…at the cost of me not getting mine.

So I guess it's rating time, since it does not work as a stand alone movie with you having had to of seen the first two to understand what's going on I have to compare it to the first two, giving it a slightly lower score than the low on it's getting.

The Matrix: 9/10 ;D

The Matrix Reloaded: 7/10

The Matrix Revolutions: 3/10